scripts

Characters:

The Royal Court

King Arthur is bored witless by the petty responsibilities of Kingship, adjudicating land disputes and knightly quarrels, but his main worry is that Guinevere isn’t happy and spends all his allowance on her shopping trips.

Guinevere is bored with her life as Queen because Arthur is busy all the time, there is nothing to do except shop or go looking for love in all the wrong places.

Juliet is red-haired, on holiday from Wales, and determined to get the top job if she can only get Arthur to repudiate Guinevere. Juliet plays constantly with a little dagger and takes a lot of interest in people’s backs.

Lancelot channels his grief for his lost love into anger, which he directs at swans. He also dislikes feathers which limits the Court’s sartorial splendour. As Knights can’t wear plumed helmets, they all wear brightly coloured bandanas like bikies.

Sir Cumference is a jolly chap, always ready with a quip or a helping hand but very much dislikes chairs that are fixed to the floor and Scottish restaurants that don’t give full-bodied knights room to move.

Sir Plus is a true and proper knight, who loves the full bodied jokes and the joust and the quest except he is a real girl - yes, really, he’s a she who wanted more choice than marriage or a nunnery so is at Arthur’s Court in drag, along with his/her little sister ….

Sir Real is another refugee from the medieval choice of marriage or a nunnery, except she is beginning to think that marriage may be a better option than all this constant jousting and questing - added to which, she just broke a fingernail ….

Sir Cond who is really The Count of Condy’s Crystal joined the Knights as Sir Cond so as not to flaunt his rank even though everyone knows - he is known affectionately as KMnO4 and loves the colour purple.

Sir Loin Is a bit of beefcake who really believes real women are always pregnant, always barefoot, and always in the kitchen.

Sir Cus swears a lot, is a bit dim but joins in all the Knightly games.

The Magic Folk

Merlin: grief for his lost love makes him a forgetful hermit but even so, everyone knows that he is still Britain’s most powerful magician and treat him with great respect.

The Lady of the Lake helps Arthur where she can, so that his people and land will prosper.

The Damsels of the Lake are mischievous mermaids who enjoy teasing the silly humans but are always ready to sing.

Morwenna is an evil witch trying to charm Merlin into revealing all his magical secrets. Morwenna isn’t having much luck at charming Merlin or Dingles; her forte is to curse rather than charm.

The Musicians

Arthur’s Minstrel plays the violin and follows Arthur around, to give the King mood music wherever he goes.

Keyboard & percussion (off stage).

The Servants

Dingles: although Dingles is so far down the social scale he is the Court joke because he ranks lower than the king’s hounds, he is still the one that everyone turns to when they need help because Dingles is always true, always kind, always loyal and always there….

Pitty and Patty are naughty elves who attach themselves to the evil witch Morwenna.

If extra roles are needed for people who want a role, other knight roles can be:

Sir Dicious,
Sir Perflous,
Sir Perlative,
Sir Vile,
Sir Preme,
Sir Pent,
Sir Face,
Sir Geste,
Sir Charge,
Sir Render,
Sir Prize

half of these knights can be female roles but the female knights are far rowdier and ready to fight than the male knights, because the females need to prove themselves as Real Men

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